Having being married for the past month with Ezra, i begin to understand how my parents tell me that “until the wedding, the marriage is just an idea”. I also never quite knew what it meant when ppl tell me that the first year of marriage is the “ toughest”. In fact, the past month or so, both of us were figuring out how to live with each other and putting up with bad habits that we both never knew existed!
A little background story abt us, after signing our official cert. I’ve “moved” into Ezra’s home. We came to an agreement that on days he isn’t ard, i’ll head back to my maiden home. It is a great plan as he doesn’t want me to feel uncomfortable and he knows how I’m so close to my own family.
I read online that the first year of marriage is the “ wet cement year”. It’s the time of discovering how to live with each other without developing bad habits that might trap the r/s in future. It’s a time to establish good patterns and ways of being together that should continue throughout your marriage life.
I find this very applicable and useful as before marriage, I would describe myself as a child. ( haha) I never lifted a finger at home with the privilege of my mum.. now a maid, to help me with everything. In short, I hardly knew how to take care of myself.. and what more another person?! How could my Husband and I create a happy marriage from the start? How could we survive the first year and come out happier than the day of our wedding?
Glad to say that both of us are very open to changes and embracing new options. So these are a couple of tips I’d like to share with everyone!! 🤗
1.Making your house a home 🏡
This would mean creating a space where both parties would want to spend time together. For my instance, Husband Sim has taken the initiative to buy me a new wardrobe since he’s old one was very small. He wanted to make me feel comfortable and not live out from my luggage’s. He brought me to ikea and let me pick out what I liked… leaving me 3/4 of the space to fill. The wardrobe also came with full length mirrors cause yes, every girl needs that 🤗
He also got me a tv in the room with a Xbox to watch movies and tv shows. Yes🤣, that is our comfort! Even though it is his room… he gave me the freedom to “redecorate” with items that is beneficial to the both of us! Haha he’s even thinking of removing his computer table to make room for my makeup vanity. Aww 😘❤️
2. Don’t forget romance 💑
Naturally this comes from the French. In this case, I’m the one whom does most of the planning… be it gown fittings or meeting up vendors for our upcoming banquet, we’ll take the opportunity to dress up and make the best out of every outing with good food! The romance of course doesn’t just mean spending money outside, we try to explore ntuc for inspiration and he’ll whip me up dinner once in a while ☺️
Furthermore, whenever we are doing different flights, both of us would buy each other inexpensive items.. items that remind us of each other. For instance, he just came back from Bangalore turnaround this morning… and I msged him my MAD craving for chocolates, I woke up with such a huge stash on the table this morning! It’s small gestures that matters 😌
3. Go easy on yourselves 💆🏻💆🏻♂️
Of course, our relationship is not rainbows and unicorns every single day. We do have our difference in opinions and also times when we are just plain irritated with each other. We would always use this opportunity for heart to heart talks with no distractions. I for one, am the more emotional partner… I cry over the smallest things and get frustrated if things don’t go my way
A good example would be… I was having problems at work during the beginning of this year. Problems would be an understatement, more like crisis ( LOL). I would call Husband Sim and cry over the phone knowing he cannot do anything abt it. I thank god for his patience and listening ear as he hears me rattle on and on over things that are not within our control.
There are also times when I really wonder if I make a good Wife and it really beats me up. My latest would be wanting to go home cause I miss home.. and there was a time when I was having a meltdown and left to go home, leaving my Husband behind. He doesn’t hold any grudges against me… but I feel really bad. Comforting enough, he told me that he doesn’t expect me to be the best Wife overnight… it’s a process that we’ll learn together.
4. Being grateful for each other 🙏🏻
Having unreasonable expectations and comparing other’s marriage with ours is a surefire way to feel unsatisfied. Instead, I learn the hard way of practicing gratitude, being truly thankful for the good things Husband Sim brings to the relationship.
Whenever he changes over to my flight, i would write him “thank you” notes on a post it pad. He would always make me a mug of cappuccino onboard if I’m not working in business class and shower me with TWG black tea bags w honey.
It’s the small gestures that really go a very Long way. Before this, I never realised how his little actions made such an impact on our r/s… I took things for granted that he’ll always change over to my flight till I have to do the flight myself. All these little “perks” I enjoy from him was of course not there since he isn’t onboard and I blame him for it. It was hard at first, but by not comparing and a simple “thank you”, your relationship would improve leaps and bounds 😉
5. Keep having adventures 🚴🏻🤽🏻♀️🏄🏻🏋🏻♀️
Yes, after the whole excitement of the wedding is over, we were both experiencing post-wedding blues. Haha, how I wish I have endless cash flow to throw 5 more banquets 🤣 though it really isn’t over cause I’ve still got the banquet in 2018 to look forward to, we still try to keep the spark going by planning new hobbies and holidays which we both really like!
It’ll be our first time to New Zealand for holiday, next year January… we’ve also included our pre wedding shoot there! It’ll be such an experience since we’ll be doing a road trip on our own, exploring the south of New Zealand. It’s gonna be a big holiday so we agreed that it’ll come together as our honeymoon as well. We’re still in the midst of planning an itinerary out and I enjoy doing it together with my Husband.
He’s also very crazy over Bowling 🤷🏻♀️ and I’m more into cycling over at East Coast Park or prawning 🙈. We take turns doing things we love together… attempting to show the joy we find in doing things we like. What I’m saying is “ keep learning, growing, and trying new things together”
6. Realising that equality won’t mean a 50-50 split right down the middle 💸⚖️
Being a very independent woman, I always have the feminist streak in me that made me think a perfect r/s would be a 50/50 split right down the middle in whatever we do. When it came to our house and wedding, we agreed to set up a joint acc to deposit the agreed amt monthly as savings. Now, I realise how ridiculous this notion is.
Yes, for now it’s very applicable since both of us are working. What will happen if I’m pregnant and am forced to step down from flying? I wouldn’t have the ability to fork out that amount to save and instead he’ll be burdened financially to support the family.
Times when I decided to buy a more expensive wedding gown.. I use our fund. This doesn’t justify his tuxedo which is only 1/4 of the price.
Not just monetary wise, but also household wise. My Husband does all the washing of dishes, paying for groceries, washing of my clothes… cause I’m tired or just plain lazy. This could go on for weeks but he never complains. In return of course, I do other household stuff when he’s swamped by work. Balance in a r/s isn’t abt following a strict spreadsheet. It’s about both parties feeling supported.
In conclusion… 🤔🤔🤔
Everybody’s marriage is different and it’s very stupid to compare! Your marriage is nothing like any others. Learn to embrace changes and adjustments for it will be the foundation of your marriage. What I’ve shared today is based on what I’ve learnt growing together with my Husband through trials and errors. Though we are not married for Long, we learn to synergise our differences to enjoy our time together.
Don’t forget that you are in charge of your own happily ever after! ❤️